Things You Never Knew Existed
Things You Never Knew Existed.com is the place to shop for novelties, gag gifts and hilarious t-shirts. We also offer magic tricks, novelty collectibles and bizarre toys, books and videos. Recycle
Friday, August 25, 2017
Back in the day - and I do mean back in the day - back when...
       …people still sent cash in the mail
       ...we had lots of Things that cost a dime
       ...I was at the perfect height to suffer the full wind of adult farts right in my face
waaaaaaaay back then, I started working here.

My official job was peeling dimes off of the order forms and tossing them into a cash box. My unofficial job was (is) to catch my coworkers off guard (newbies beware!) with pranks and practical jokes. My favorite? A strategically concealed Whoopee Cushion. It’s still one of my best go-to moves. Thing is, my beloved Whoopee almost didn’t make it to market.

The story goes like this: some folks at the Jem Rubber Company were experimenting with scraps when they discovered that putting two sheets of rubber together with air between them would make realistic farting sounds. The crew thought their discovery was hilarious and they wanted to share it with the world. (Obviously, they were My Kind of People.)

Anyway, back then the S.S. Adams company was a Big Dog in the novelty business. Jem took the invention to the owner Samuel Adams (not to be confused with the beer guy - this Sam was a practical joke inventor). Adams turned up his nose at the Whoopee. He said it was “too vulgar” and would never sell.

But Jem didn't give up on their farting find. When they finally got the Whoopee out to the people, it was so popular they couldn't keep the Things on the shelves. A year after rejecting Jem’s ‘vulgar’ invention, S.S. Adams released their own version, the Razzberry Cushion, which no one remembers now. (A lesson for all of us: never underestimate the power of the fart!)

People don't send cash in the mail anymore (smart!), Things cost a little more than a dime, and these days I'm tall enough to be the one blowing wind instead of inhaling it, but Things that fart, sound like farts, and smell like farts are still some of our bestsellers. And now there's more to offer than the humble Whoopee - we have electronic fart machines (technology improves our lives in so many ways, don't you think?), farting stuffed toys, fart extinguishers, you name it. But even with all those Things at my fingertips, my first love will always be the one I almost never met: the Whoopee.

See you next week,
Bobby

Posted by: Bobby | 8:00 AM | permalink
Friday, August 18, 2017
What if Bigfoot is real? What if UFOs are visiting planet earth? What if they're working with the world's governments on some alien agenda?  What if politicians and governments are really no more than puppets for secret societies like the Illuminati? What if we're all living in a fake reality designed by a group of elites who manipulate everything we see, say, feel, do, and think?

Great mysteries like these make life such an interesting Thing. That's why I devote (probably a little too much) time to the odd, the extreme, and the outlandish. In short, the freaky and unanswered "What If?" questions of our time. Like...

What if it's true that dozens of NASA astronauts have seen and reported UFOs? What if the space agency really has a written protocol for the sightings? Like shutting down live feeds from the International Space Station when someThing unidentified flies by? What if there's a secret space program that includes bases on the moon and Mars, orbital weapons platforms, and even "non-terrestrial officers" trained to fight alien races - in space?

What if secret societies like the Illuminati, the Freemasons, and Skull & Bones really want to take over the world? What's with the silly hats and the secret handshakes? What does it have to do with their true purpose? What are they up to behind those tightly locked doors? And what if they don't want to create and run a secret global government? What if that's just what they want us to think they want?

Which brings us to one of my favorites: what if none of this is real? What if we're in someThing like The Matrix only without the awesome special effects and the part about getting to hang out with Morpheus? What if we're all being manipulated by some giant, unseen and all-seeing super conspiracy to take over the world? Or the galaxy? Or the universe? If so, is it a human conspiracy or an alien agenda?

By now you might be thinking I need professional help. Can't say I blame you. But before you call out the guys in white coats, let me say one Thing: It's not that I believe  this stuff is true (at least not 100%). I just think it's best to keep an open mind because...you know...what if

See you next week,
Bobby
Posted by: Bobby | 8:00 AM | permalink
Friday, August 11, 2017
I spend a lot of time in my car in the summer. I love a good weekend road trip. Once a year I take my nephews on an adventure with me. Last month I took them up north to escape the balmy Florida heat. We headed up the highway to do some sightseeing and some camping.

When you're young, car trips are boring. Even more so for today's kids. I get it. Remembering last year - the more bored they get the more irritable I get - I decided to do a little pre-emptive shopping this year. I picked up some Things that (I hoped) would distract them so I could drive without hearing that age-old lament, "Are we there yet?"

Boom boxes might seem a bit Old School for the millennial generation, but with a built in television and Bluetooth connectivity this one is Da Bomb. It handled every kind of media they could throw at it - from MP3s to DVDs to SD cards packed with movies. It was their favorite of all the Things I picked up for them, including the mini arcade games, the ever-poopular fart machine, and the book of Spock's Logic Puzzles (okay, maybe that last Thing was for me).


The open road isn't all fun and games and our summer trips are the perfect way to teach my nephews about road safety. Before we leave, we go through a checklist to make sure we have all the Things we need if our trip north suddenly goes south. Besides an all-purpose emergency tool, jumper cables, and emergency batteries, you need more than one good flashlight. This year I added the Tac Light to my emergency kit. With about 40 times the brightness of a regular flashlight, this Thing can turn night into day. Thankfully, I haven't had to use it for an emergency, but I did hang it from a branch at our campsite so I could see what I was cooking.

With safety taken care of, there's no reason Uncle Bobby can't have some fun in the car, too. And what's more fun than a Duck Butt sticking out the back window? It attaches with suction cups, so you can easily detach it as the situation demands. For example, when you're at the campsite and your car is surrounded by live ducks who look at you sort of sideways and your nephews worry that maybe the real ducks don't find your little joke all that funny. Maybe that's a good time to stow the butt. Especially if you don't want to wake up to a truck covered in bird guano...

See you on the open road,
Bobby
Posted by: Bobby | 8:00 AM | permalink
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