It’s almost that time of year again! Time for fireworks, parades, and BBQs celebrating that fateful day 241 years ago where we told the British Empire, “YOU’RE NOT THE BOSS OF ME!” and declared our independence as a sovereign nation.

It’s also time for some Independence-Day trivia! So, without further ado…

Things You (Probably) Never Knew About Independence Day:

• America actually gained its independence on July 2 – Congress debated and revised the Declaration’s wording, and ultimately approved it on July 4. I say go ahead and celebrate on both days. America deserves it.
• Two Declaration of Independence signers died on the 50th anniversary of Independence Day – Both Thomas Jefferson and John Adams—the only two signers to later serve as President—both died on July 4, 1826. The very definition of poetically tragic.
• Man’s unalienable rights weren’t originally “Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of Happiness” – Before Thomas Jefferson changed it, the Declaration read “Life, Liberty, and the pursuit of property.” Jefferson’s edit makes perfect sense to me, because mowing all that property I’d attempt to pursue wouldn’t exactly make me happy.
• The draft of the printed Declaration of Independence was lost – Source copy used for the publicly distributed “Dunlap Broadside”, a draft believed to have been handwritten by Thomas Jefferson disappeared. Nicolas Cage doesn’t have it. We checked.
• The biggest fireworks display in the U.S. is Macy’s 4th of July fireworks in New York City – Packing a whopping 50,000 explosive effects into 25 minutes is apparently all it takes to get the attention of 3 million people every year. BOOM, BABY!
• You can blame Suicide Squad for Captain Steven Hiller not appearing in the Independence Day sequel – Despite how his portrayal of the heroic captain in 1996's Independence Day was largely responsible for kicking off Will Smith’s wildly successful film career, he didn’t return for the much-anticipated 20^th-anniversary sequel. Smith was busy being Deadshot in Suicide Squad and couldn’t work Independence Day: Resurgence into his schedule. I’ll let you guess which of the two films got a better Rotten Tomatoes rating (hint: The “Joker’s” on Mr. Smith).

Have a safe and wonderful 4th of July, Things fans!

See you next week,
Bobby

Summer’s here and so’s the weekend! You know what that means? It’s time to crack open a cold one, Things fans!

But first, some fun beer trivia.

Oh, OK. You don’t have to wait. Go ahead and chug that brew right now while you read. You deserve it^[1].

Things You Probably Never Knew About Beer

• The workers who built the Great Pyramids of Giza were paid in beer (and bread, but we all know which one is more important). That would be the only reason I’d keep returning to work if it was my job to drag stones under the desert sun all day.
• Approximately 50 million people around the world are drunk right this second. I have to admit to being a little jealous of this fact, seeing as how it’s breakfast time here at Things, and it would be poor form to down a six-pack at the office when I haven’t even finished my donut. #AdultingIsHard
• The winner at Finland’s Wife Carrying World Championships receives the wife’s weight in beer. Also, Wife Carrying races are a Thing.
• In Austria, you can actually swim in pools of beer. (This both appalls and intrigues me.)
• The average beer contains about 4.5% alcohol by volume. The world’s strongest beer, however, contains a staggering 67.5%. It’s called Snake Venom. The name alone makes my liver whimper.

Beer trivia not enough to tide you over ‘til happy hour? Check out the small sampling of our beer Things below (a “Beer-Things Flight”, if you will).


You can find even more by clicking here.

Cheers!

*hiccup*

See you next week,
Bobby

1. But not if you're under the age of 21. Or while you’re on the clock. Or at school. Or right before (or while) driving. Duh. Or at church… well, maybe church…

Holy heartache, Batman! Just one short week ago, at the age of 88, the legendary Adam West retired to the great Bat Cave in the sky and traded in his cape for a pair of (blue?) angel wings.

Mr. Wayne West began his acting career in the 1950s and over the course of the following 60+ years, had amassed nearly 200 acting credits, guest appearances, and voice-over roles under his utility belt, including: The Young Philadelphians, a handful of TV Westerns, Perry Mason, Outer Limits, Soldier in the Rain, and oodles of other roles. As the first actor to bring the Caped Crusader off the pages of comic books and onto the screen, West cemented his superstar status, one that followed him decades after the original Batman TV show first aired. More than 40 years after hanging up his cape, West finally earned an ever-coveted spot on the Hollywood Walk of fame—despite how quickly he’d earned himself a bat-shaped space in all of our hearts as the crime-fighting hero we adore.

On June 9th, 2017, the world bid farewell to the Bright Knight, but I, for one, will not be one bit surprised to look up one day and catch a glimpse of a familiar bat figure formed in the clouds.

See you next week,
Bobby

When deadlines are barreling down on me like a demonic locomotive, I often depend on music to help me keep my head. I’m gonna wave my nerd flag here and say I’m a fan of film scores and “trailer music”. Occasionally, however, listening to this “genre” can often be to the detriment of my work when I have some stirring, dramatic fantasy piece with powerful horns and violent percussion funneling through my ear buds and into my brain, and right in the middle of the work day, I’ll be filled with an overwhelming need to don a Viking helmet AND SLAY A DRAGON AND MOUNT ITS REPTILIAN SKULL ON THE WALL OF MY CASTLE… er… office? Clearly, I get swept away, but that’s what fantasy is all about right?

And what’s a good fantasy without dragons? Less fiery and dangerous (i.e., less interesting), that’s what! Dragons are terrifying. Dragons are beautiful. Dragons are Bad Ass. And we have a sweet collection of dragon artifacts Things for all your fantasy needs.

Dragon On Skull Light-Up Figure – This miniature majestic beasts looks like it would sooner tear your fingers off than let you near its treasure! And can you ever go wrong when you combine dragons AND skulls? That answer is “no.”

Dragon Skull Stapler – This is hands-down my favorite desk accessory. I imagine him eating every document I shove between his stapling fangs. It makes paperwork fun.

Personalized Dragon Slaying Service Tee – With your name slapped on this wearable work of art, don’t be surprised when the requests start pouring in for you to rescue royal hotties from tall towers. Also, imagine adding “Dragon Slayer” to your resume. Just. Imagine.

Check out our other Dragon Things here. While you’re at it, cue up an epic film score and liven up the office a little… and should you feel musically inspired to run a sword through that chronically jamming office printer, well… let’s just say I can sympathize, my friend.

See you next week,
Bobby

In honor of an upcoming special holiday, I’d like to share a joke with my favorite readers.

You ready?

OK!

Q: Where does the King keep his armies?

A: In his sleevies!

[rimshot]

Dad jokes are the best aren’t they? (The answer you’re looking for is “yes”).

Father’s Day is only a couple of weeks away, and just a heads up: Pops is totally set on neckties. Trust me. I know these Things.

While you probably already know there are multitudes of epic ways to show your love and appreciation for the guy who helped shape you into the awesome human specimen you are, I’d like to toss a few more Things into the ole idea bank that can help make his day even better.

• Help him learn Krav Maga: After learning the fighting techniques in this Krav Maga Personal Protection Course, your Dad can have even the biggest dudes crying “UNCLE!” in no time.

• Hold up his pants: With an awesome belt, of course. (Things might get awkward if you follow the guy around while hiking up his drawers for him, just saying.) The Comfort Click Belt’s micro-adjust ratcheting system means it will fit any day, all day, no matter what—no more stretched belts or punching extra holes to make one fit!

• Light up his world: The military-grade Atomic Beam Lantern is brighter than ordinary flashlights and is built to withstand extreme conditions. A perfect addition to the gear you’re bringing with you on your male-bonding camping trip!

• Let him gamble with his savings: This working Jumbo Slot Machine Bank has all the fun lights and sounds of real Vegas slots without the shame and regret over blowing your mortgage payment!

We have plenty of other Dad Things here, or you could always take a gander at a couple hundred of or newest Things here, all sure to make you forget ever considering that necktie in the first place!

And because I can’t resist….

Q: What do you call a dog that can do magic?
A: A Labracadabrador.

Happy Father’s Day!

See you next week,
Bobby