The beginning of October signals the end of harvest. It's a month for community and sharing. A time when the the nights begin to grow longer and cooler. When we start to think about spending time with family and enjoying the comfort of the coming winter holidays.

October is the month when you warmly open your home to your friends and neighbors - and scare the pee right out of them.

In other words...drumroll please...HalloWEEEEEEN!

Or in other other words: my favorite time of year!

You've seen those neighborhoods that go all out to be a “Christmas Block?” Well, we do Halloween on my block. We haunt the whole street. Up one side and down the other. And we do it better than anyone in town. (Ahem...I'm not being conceited...just truthful!)

How do we do it? We spend the whole year planning. And we pool our resources to create a stunning scare-fest with fearsome front yards, heinous haunted houses, and the most petrifying props you never new existed.

Haven't started planning your Halloween House of Horrors yet? It's never too late to start, which is why we here at Things have got you covered. Just check out our Halloween Things, have a look at some of my personal favorites (below), and then get cracking on your own Creepy Crawly Castle of Doom!

See you next week,
Bobby

I'm a monster without my morning coffee. I'm not talking a cranky and tired human creature, but a bona-fide, big-screen-worthy, growling BEAST that strikes fear into the hearts of all who encounter my awfulness. Mothers drag their children in off of the streets! Total strangers cut and run the other way! Those who can't run freeze in terror!

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating. A little. Maybe I just feel that monstrous. I admit: it's mostly just wishful thinking I could terrify the masses into to getting the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks out of my way until I've had my morning cup.

Wild embellishments aside, it's not just me, you know. If you're not a caff-addict yourself, I bet you know one. Or two. Or seven.

Coffee is the most popular drink in the world. (I bet you thought it was beer, right? Me, TOO! Great minds and all that...)

You and I weren't far off. Beer was the king of the breakfast drink (yes, breakfast!) until around 1668 when it was replaced by coffee. And then there was that big Tea Party up in Boston which basically started a revolution. You remember...that's when America decided to tell Old King What's-His-Face to "sod off". After that, drinking coffee wasn't just delicious, it was downright patriotic.

Now we celebrate the beany brew every year on September 29th. My favorite way to celebrate? Getting myself a cuppa joe from the thousands of coffee shops who'll be celebrating with us by giving away freebies. So get ready for next week coffee hounds. There's only one Thing that beats a cup of coffee - and that's a free cup of coffee.

Stay caffeinated my friends. I'll see you next week,
Bobby

Once upon a time Liam Smyth of Bristol University met a nice girl on Tinder. They went out for dinner. They laughed. They talked. Things were going so well that Liam invited his new friend back to his place to watch a documentary about Scientology.

So on they go to Liam's place where the worst Thing happened: the girl had to poop. On a date. A first date. Nature being what it is, she didn't have much choice in the matter...so off to Liam's bathroom she goes where she...uh...goes. But after dropping her turd in the toilet, the Thing won't flush!

She must have liked Liam a lot because she did someThing no woman I know would ever do: she fished her poo out of the toilet and threw it out the window. Problem solved, right? Errr...nope! See Liam has a weird set up where the bathroom window opens into an outer window that doesn't open. So instead of flinging the unflushable Thing outside, she flung it into the space between the windows.

Realizing that that her errant turd never made it to the Great Outdoors, all she could do was 'fess up and try to get it back before it...ewwww!...started to smell. Liam got a hammer to smash the interior window but his date (a gymnast) was convinced she could wriggle between the two panes, retrieve the poo, and save Liam's window. She squeezed between the windows easily. She retrieved the turd. But then she got stuck. Upside down.

Liam tried to free her but she was "well and truly stuck" so he called in the fire department. Firefighters didn't have to break the glass, but they had to remove the interior pane, which costs about $400 to repair. Being a struggling college student, $400 is pretty much Liam's entire monthly budget.

That's where GoFundMe comes in. Liam started a campaign to raise money for the window. He told the entire story complete with pictures (but not the girl's name). At last glance, he'd raised more than $3,500. You might think a starving student would keep the excess, right? Not Liam. He's donating half to a charity that provides and maintains flushing toilets to the developing world (very poetic) and the rest to the Firefighter's Charity.

You might also think it's the end of the whole Thing, right? Not for Liam. He's up for a second date. "She’s a lovely girl," he says. "I’m not sure what’s going to happen...but I’d certainly be open to seeing her again.” But maybe he should keep just a little extra from the GoFundMe funds - to get his toilet fixed before date number two.

See you next week,
Bobby

No, Irma is not my pesky ex. Irma is a storm. A BIG storm. Like, a really, really BIG storm. And it's taking aim at me! Well, not me personally, but at Florida, which is where I happen to live. Where I'd like to continue living thank-you-very-much.

I've already written about the Things you need for everyday emergencies, but a storm like Irma is no everyday Thing. (At least there's that, right?) You'll need all those emergency supplies, plus a few other Things if you find yourself in the path of this (or any other) Monster Storm.

There are two rules for saving your *ss in a massive hurricane:
          1. Run from the water.
          2. Hide from the wind.
Remember those two Things. Chant them like a mantra if you have to. This is probably the only time when I fully endorse rule following. So remember them. Follow them. Okay? Oh-KAY. 'Nuff said.

If rule one applies, you'll be busy running. If rule two applies, you'll probably be stuck inside. For a l...o...o...o...o..ong time. You're all stocked up on provisions and vittles and emergency Things, but what to do during the long days you'll be hunkered down? (The Newsies say "shelter in place". Around here we say "hunker down". It's a Florida Thang.)

My house is the Hunker Bunker for my friends and family so I know a bit about this. I'll let you in on a little secret about hunkering down: it's B.O.R.I.N.G. Even people you love - heart and soul to the end of the earth - can (and will) get on your very last nerve. That's why games and toys are an essential part of my Hunker Bunker must-haves. A few of my faves:



If you lose power, a battery operated DVD player with TV and radio will keep you up-to-date on the storm. When you get tired of watching the Red Blob of Doom slowly coming your way, you can watch someThing else on TV. Or you can listen to music. Or pop in a DVD to relieve the tooth-shattering boredom. Every little Thing helps.

All silliness aside, we here at Things give a heartfelt SHOUT-OUT to our friends up in Houston. While we wait for Irma, we haven't forgotten that they're still recovering from Harvey. And we won't forget the lessons they taught us - about everyThing from being prepared to being a good neighbor.

Stay safe. I'll be back next week,
Bobby

Labor Day weekend is considered the unofficial end of summer, but for kids it's O.V.E.R. on the first day of school. I sympathize. Deeply. Especially since I'll suffer with them.

See...in the summer my sister sends her kids off to hang out with their Uncle Bobby (me!) a lot. While she does the (no doubt) mind-numbingly boring Things she "needs" to do, we go off and do someThing fun. Like going to a baseball game, eating nothing but junk food, and/or blowing Things up in my backyard.

The end of summer means that my nieces, nephews, and their Poor Old Uncle will be forced to spend way too much time with adults for the next few months. I mean Real Adults - not people like me who were forced into this sorry state by the inexorable, unforgiving Hands of Time. These adults actually volunteer to grow up. (Yeah...I don't get it either...)

I don't know if you've noticed, but most Real Adults are zero fun to hang out with. No...I take that back. Real Adults are less than zero fun. They're like negative 100% fun or someThing like that. (Don't ask me to do the math - BORRRRRing. Besides, I don't have to take a test.)

Suffice it to say that the negative fun factor is why I insist on being in charge of the family's last summer party - for the kids. (Okay, maybe a little bit for me, too.) You just can't trust a Real Adult like my sister with such a weighty responsibility. Believe you me, I went to enough of her "yawn on the lawn" Labor Day soirées to know.

At my end-of-summer parties there are zero dorky games, zero nutritional foods, and zero yawns. Just positive 100% fun. The kids deserve it on their first holiday weekend. They have a long, long school year ahead.

We all do.

See you next week,
Bobby