Okay, I'm about to throw my twice-yearly fit.

We have to turn our clocks back next weekend (at 2:00 am local time on Sunday, November 5 to be exact).

I heard the news this morning while sucking down coffee and trying to wake up.

I wanted to throw myself to the ground, kicking and screaming and crying until my face turned blue. But they say I'm too old for that.

(I don't know who They are, but apparently They get to be the boss of me because I didn't throw my tantrum.)

Anyway, back to the subject at hand: the dreaded time change.

I hate-hate-hate it. But you probably know that. Pretty sure I complain about it on this blog every year. Sometimes twice a year. At least once for sure.

Here's the Thing about the time swing: it takes us (no, it's not just me!) about two weeks to adjust. During that two weeks our body clocks spin out of control.

We're up all night. And sleeping at, on, or under our desks (if we can get away with it) by day.


Which makes us (me) cranky.

Personally, I'd stick to Daylight Savings Time and just leave Things be. But it's not just me. There's a whole Facebook community dedicated to time change refuseniks.

Even better, 21 states tried to #locktheclock this year. Most of the bills failed, but not for lack of trying. Seems even some state legislators get cranky about the time change.

Hate the change? Join the #locktheclock movement. If we all work together, maybe we can Stop the Madness - next year.

See you next week.
Bobby

Here's someThing that will shock you (not!): I was into science when I was in school.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Call me "geek" call me a "nerd".

See if I care.

Because I know Things.

Important Things.

Science-y Things.

I never wanted to be a scientist. I just wanted to know about Things. I wanted (no, I NEEDED) to figure out how Things work. And the best way to figure out the inner workings of Things?

Take them apart, of course!

Along with learning how Thing work, I learned that taking Things apart is a pretty good way to get yourself grounded. Especially when you get caught red-handed in front of a pile of parts that used to be the toaster. Or the vacuum. Or Dad's electric shaver.

So I don't take Things apart anymore. After being grounded (like a million times!) I learned my lesson.

Don't get me wrong: I'm still super curious about all Things science-y. But these days I stick to putting Things together and - surprise-surprise - I still learn Things! So far, I've learned how a jet engine works. How a glider flies. All about combustion engines.

Not that I don't love taking Things apart still - I do. Especially since I can't get grounded anymore. But it's a lot more fun to put Things together. Mainly because when you're done, they actually work!

See you next week,
Bobby

Remember when you had to be at home to get a telephone call? When the phone was actually hard wired? Just in case you don't, see the telephone at left. Yup. That's what Things used to be like. To take a call, you had to be tethered to a wall!*

It was a Dark Age.

But (WHEW!) that's all over now. Six out of seven people on the planet have cell phones or smartphones. In fact, more people have cell phones than toilets!

But we don’t just spend trillions of minutes talking. That would be, like, so lame.

No, here in this Bright Age of Tech, we do everyThing with our phones. We send send over eight trillion text messages a year. That's the number eight with 12 zeroes after it. And we spend 720,000,000,000 minutes a day on social media platforms. Talk time barely measures compared to the other Things we do on our phones in the New Age.

What ever did we do back in the Dark Age? We missed unimportant calls. We couldn't LOL or LIKE or SHARE someThing without actually (shudder) seeing someone in person. There...were...no...EMOJI! The absolute horror of it all!

Sarcasm aside, I admit that my cellphone and I are joined at the hip. (Almost literally since I carry it on my belt.) I need it to keep in touch with the business while I'm camping with my dog. To get the scoop on the Next Big Thing no matter where I am. To watch Epic Fail videos on YouTube while I’m waiting in some line for someThing I probably don’t want to do.

But I also admit there are days when I want to accidentally-on-purpose leave the Thing at home. I envision being like Bear Grylls, fighting my way through the unforgiving wilds of the Tech World without my gadgets.

And then I remember: I love gadgets! Gadgets are my Thing!

Besides, I’m no Bear of any kind. After about an hour, they’d find me crawling through the city streets, phone in hand, begging for just a little bit of a charge…and maybe some extra data.

See you next week,
Bobby

A couple of years ago, Knightscope gleefully announced its new "crimefighting robot", the K5. It's not an Artificial Intelligence robot (soooooooo obvious - we get to that part later), but K5 can "see, feel, hear, and smell".

The bright idea was to have the robot patrol malls, office buildings, etc., collecting information to predict the likelihood of an impending crime. (Uh, yeah, right.) It then shares the info with the human security force that it will soon replace works with.

You ever owned one of those vacuum 'bots? They get lost under the couch, get stuck in corners, or just fritz out and sit there like a super expensive doorstop. If you've seen one of these "intelligent" devices in inaction, you can guess where I'm headed...

This is one of those Things that always goes just about like so:

          Step One: Have Bright Idea
          Step Two: Implement Bright Idea
          Step Three: Suffer Epic Fail
          Step Four: Endure Endless Internet Ridicule.

Sooooooooo this particular Bright Idea, K5, was "on patrol" in an office building in D.C. when it fell down some stairs, landed in a fountain, and "drowned".

You can also guess what happened next: the Web went stark raving mad with glee over the Fallen 'Bot's Epic Fail.

One Twitter user who (like me) clearly expected (and deserved) to be living the George Jetson lifestyle by the 21st century said: "We were promised flying cars, instead we got suicidal robots."  Another tweeted: "Have you thought about getting a lifeguard robot to keep the security robots from drowning?" Dozens (I suspect security personnel) implied that the K5 couldn't 'stand' its menial existence anymore so it drowned itself on purpose.

If K5 and my vagrant vacuum 'bot are predictions of the future, we might never get our flying cars. But on the bright side: it'll be a long, long, LONG time before the robot army rises to destroy us all. So...that's someThing, right?

See you next week,
Bobby

The beginning of October signals the end of harvest. It's a month for community and sharing. A time when the the nights begin to grow longer and cooler. When we start to think about spending time with family and enjoying the comfort of the coming winter holidays.

October is the month when you warmly open your home to your friends and neighbors - and scare the pee right out of them.

In other words...drumroll please...HalloWEEEEEEN!

Or in other other words: my favorite time of year!

You've seen those neighborhoods that go all out to be a “Christmas Block?” Well, we do Halloween on my block. We haunt the whole street. Up one side and down the other. And we do it better than anyone in town. (Ahem...I'm not being conceited...just truthful!)

How do we do it? We spend the whole year planning. And we pool our resources to create a stunning scare-fest with fearsome front yards, heinous haunted houses, and the most petrifying props you never new existed.

Haven't started planning your Halloween House of Horrors yet? It's never too late to start, which is why we here at Things have got you covered. Just check out our Halloween Things, have a look at some of my personal favorites (below), and then get cracking on your own Creepy Crawly Castle of Doom!

See you next week,
Bobby

I'm a monster without my morning coffee. I'm not talking a cranky and tired human creature, but a bona-fide, big-screen-worthy, growling BEAST that strikes fear into the hearts of all who encounter my awfulness. Mothers drag their children in off of the streets! Total strangers cut and run the other way! Those who can't run freeze in terror!

Okay, maybe I'm exaggerating. A little. Maybe I just feel that monstrous. I admit: it's mostly just wishful thinking I could terrify the masses into to getting the H-E-Double Hockey Sticks out of my way until I've had my morning cup.

Wild embellishments aside, it's not just me, you know. If you're not a caff-addict yourself, I bet you know one. Or two. Or seven.

Coffee is the most popular drink in the world. (I bet you thought it was beer, right? Me, TOO! Great minds and all that...)

You and I weren't far off. Beer was the king of the breakfast drink (yes, breakfast!) until around 1668 when it was replaced by coffee. And then there was that big Tea Party up in Boston which basically started a revolution. You remember...that's when America decided to tell Old King What's-His-Face to "sod off". After that, drinking coffee wasn't just delicious, it was downright patriotic.

Now we celebrate the beany brew every year on September 29th. My favorite way to celebrate? Getting myself a cuppa joe from the thousands of coffee shops who'll be celebrating with us by giving away freebies. So get ready for next week coffee hounds. There's only one Thing that beats a cup of coffee - and that's a free cup of coffee.

Stay caffeinated my friends. I'll see you next week,
Bobby

Once upon a time Liam Smyth of Bristol University met a nice girl on Tinder. They went out for dinner. They laughed. They talked. Things were going so well that Liam invited his new friend back to his place to watch a documentary about Scientology.

So on they go to Liam's place where the worst Thing happened: the girl had to poop. On a date. A first date. Nature being what it is, she didn't have much choice in the matter...so off to Liam's bathroom she goes where she...uh...goes. But after dropping her turd in the toilet, the Thing won't flush!

She must have liked Liam a lot because she did someThing no woman I know would ever do: she fished her poo out of the toilet and threw it out the window. Problem solved, right? Errr...nope! See Liam has a weird set up where the bathroom window opens into an outer window that doesn't open. So instead of flinging the unflushable Thing outside, she flung it into the space between the windows.

Realizing that that her errant turd never made it to the Great Outdoors, all she could do was 'fess up and try to get it back before it...ewwww!...started to smell. Liam got a hammer to smash the interior window but his date (a gymnast) was convinced she could wriggle between the two panes, retrieve the poo, and save Liam's window. She squeezed between the windows easily. She retrieved the turd. But then she got stuck. Upside down.

Liam tried to free her but she was "well and truly stuck" so he called in the fire department. Firefighters didn't have to break the glass, but they had to remove the interior pane, which costs about $400 to repair. Being a struggling college student, $400 is pretty much Liam's entire monthly budget.

That's where GoFundMe comes in. Liam started a campaign to raise money for the window. He told the entire story complete with pictures (but not the girl's name). At last glance, he'd raised more than $3,500. You might think a starving student would keep the excess, right? Not Liam. He's donating half to a charity that provides and maintains flushing toilets to the developing world (very poetic) and the rest to the Firefighter's Charity.

You might also think it's the end of the whole Thing, right? Not for Liam. He's up for a second date. "She’s a lovely girl," he says. "I’m not sure what’s going to happen...but I’d certainly be open to seeing her again.” But maybe he should keep just a little extra from the GoFundMe funds - to get his toilet fixed before date number two.

See you next week,
Bobby