Hello Things fans...I have HUUUUUGE news!

Ready?

Oh-KAY!

Things is moving out of the blogosphere!

I started this blog ten years ago. Since then we've talked about everything from magic Things to poopy Things and everyThing in between.

It's been real. It's been fun. It's been Real Fun.

I'm SO not kidding.

But Things they are a changin' as Things tend to do.

Social Media is where it's at now. That's where all of you (aka the Cool Kids) hang out, right?

I've never liked being left out of Things, so I've decided to stop writing this blog in 2018. That way I can spend more time with you...on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest, etc.

I've had a blast writing this blog and I know we're going to have tons of fun next year  "getting social". Thanks for reading and Happy New Year.

I'll see you around the Interwebs,
Bobby

Christmas is almost here!

Lots of family.

Piles of presents.

Way too much food.

And a few extra days off work to play with our new toys and Things.

Woo-hoooooooooooo!

But before we close up shop for the holiday, I'd like to take a minute to thank our friends, fans, and fellow lovers of all Things weird and wacky for a wild and wonderful year.

From the Things family to yours, we wish you a very safe and happy holiday.

Bobby

STAR WARS: The Last Jedi opens in theaters today. It's expected to be one of the highest grossing movies of all time. (The Force Awakens is #3) . And not because some marketing department or PR Flack expertly positioned it to be 2017's Holiday Blockbuster. No. This is bigger than even a Mad Man's imagination.

Here's the not-so-secret reason fans are expected to turn out in droves: for the love of Princess Leia.

Carrie Fisher brought Leia to life in the first STAR WARS film back in 1977, which I saw on opening day. (Man, am I getting old or what?). Fans adored the plucky princess as much as (or even more than) her brother Luke.

In Hollywood parlance, STAR WARS: The Last Jedi  was in "post-production" when Ms. Fisher died suddenly last year. In Real People Speak, that means they were finished filming and were doing whatever it is they do to get the Thing ready for release this holiday season. It also means we'll get to see her entire final performance as Leia.

Fisher loved her role as galactic Princess. She lived it. Breathed it. Her last book, The Princess Diarist was based on the diaries she kept at 19 years old while shooting the biggest and (IMNSHO) best sci-fi movie the world had has ever seen. Sure, there was some Hollywood dirt in the book (a sordid affair with married-with-children Harrison Ford), but mostly the book is about one Thing: Being Princess Leia.

In an interview with USA Today, Fisher told reporters, "I carry her around and I know her better than anybody else. She’s mine," the actress said, "She’s mine!"

No argument there. We've waited a whole year for our last chance to see our favorite sci-fi princess do her Thing on the big screen. Today is the day! I got the tickets. I got the t-shirts (it's not too late to get yours in time for Christmas!). I'm taking my entire family. We'll even pop some STAR WARS popcorn to take to the theater eat at home.

In a final tribute to Carrie Fisher, I think STAR WARS enthusiasts will turn out in numbers big enough break the Box Office. For the love of Leia.

Your fans will always be with you, Princess. May the force be with you, too.
Bobby

Now that I'm finished shopping for friends and family, it's time to start my office Christmas party shopping. Like most places, we have a dollar limit for our Secret Santa Things. That's why I thought I'd show you three perfect Things for coworkers - all under 20 bucks!

"Think outside the box." There's a phrase that's been Done To Death, right? For the person (you know there's at least one) who's overly fond of that overused imperative, this perfectly puzzling Thing makes them try to get inside the box. It's not as easy as it looks. (I still can't solve it, but I haven't looked at the instructions yet.) Want max laughs? Give them the box this year and the instructions next Christmas. Boom! Two gifts in one! They'll be so grateful for the solution next year, they won't even notice they didn't actually get anyThing new...

Everyone needs a good calendar. Especially if (like me) you don't get along with your smartphone calendar app at all. Besides, a funny desk calendar makes your coworkers laugh and that can be good for you. How? Stress is like a little virus. Left untreated it affects everyone. Laughter reduces stress. And the less stressed they are, the less stressed you'll be! As much a gift for you as for them...

Pranks have no season, that is, unless you stuff a Christmas stocking with them, which is exactly what we did. Our Soc-O-Pranks comes with all the Things they need for office hijinks that last all year. There's a joy buzzer (priceless for introductions to new employees), a rubber donut for the break room, a plastic cockroach, plus a fart ring, whoopee cushion (of course) and fake poop. It's the holiday gift that keeps on giving...

So go ahead, get your Secret Santa on. These Three Things are fun, inexpensive, and totally suitable for work.

See you next week,
Bobby

Certain people are just hard to buy for. (Not me. I like everyThing.) So what do you get for the picky, the prickly, the positively perplexing people in your life? SomeThing they Never Knew Existed, what else? These gems top my list of Things for Christmas.

Drones: These Things are so popular that the FAA had to make rules for "unmanned aircraft systems" this year. Drones were getting in the way of manned aircraft - you know, like big planes with actual pilots and actual people in them. Like, yikes! (So...and I don't say this a lot...follow the rules this yule.) My favorites are the Racing Drones (what could be better than aerial race on Christmas morning?) and the Virtual Reality Drone, which does more than show you awesome pictures - you experience everyThing in VR.

Grown-Up Toys: People love to take fun Things to work. (You know it's not just me!)  Sometimes a desktop diversion is the perfect Antidote for Annoying. Studies show that even a little "play time" at work can improve moods, interpersonal relations, and productivity. But who needs a silly study to know that toys are tons of fun? (Not you folks, that's for sure.) My top picks for this year? The Desktop Drum Kit and Catapult Launcher. They're deeeee-vine diversions and perfect for chasing people out of your space. (But you didn't hear that from me, right? Right.)

Little Things: Stocking stuffers aren't just for stuffing stockings. From T-shirts to puzzles to poop soap, there's a little someThing for everyone on your list. My favorite stuffers are (surprise- surprise!) the Fart Master Tee and our warm and cozy Poop Slippers.  Scatological humor really puts a fine finishing touch on the Christmas festivities.

Finally, package up all your great gifts in prank gift boxes for max surprise, max laughs, and max merriment. My personal favorite is the Roto Wipe. Need I say why?

Okay, I've made it super simple to find the perfect Thing for anyone on your list. Now it's up to you to wrap it - Things-style, of course - and get it under the tree on time.

So get cracking on that Christmas list. I'll see you next week,
Bobby

I'm not in love with the mall. Not even on a regular day. But on Black Friday? For-GET it. Not going. No way. Not doing it. Don't care what's on sale. Don't care. Don't care. Don't care. Won't go. Can't make me! [Insert kicking and screaming fit here.]

Why should I run around like a maniac chasing silly sales when my trusty old (and I do mean old) laptop can deliver deals to my door? Let the rest of the family fight their way through the mall. I'm staying right here in my pajamas and slippers. (Maybe I'll get dressed today. Maybe I won't.That's nobody's business but mine.) If you are a Black Friday resister like me, I've got a few Things you're going to L.O.V.E.!

Everyone needs an Ugly Sweater to ring in the season. If you live where it's hot ALL the time (like me) a t-shirt might have to do. Either way, it's better if your "gay apparel" is sarcastic, funny, or dripping with attitude. This Santa sweater fills the bill, plus - super bonus - it farts! And everyThing is festive when you dress it up in a Santa Hat and lights. Even a grinning skull!

Now...get ready...here's THE best Outdoor Decorating Thing of the season: the Star Shower. The Thing I like most: it's ridiculously easy to use. You just plug in the projector, pick a holiday slide, and turn it on. Voila! Outdoor decorating is done. There lots of different slides, so you never get tired of your decorations even if (like me) you don't get around to taking them down, like, ever.

No Christmas is complete without jelly beans in your stocking, under the tree, or on the goodie table. (Preferably all three!) Thanks to the super geniuses at Jelly Belly, now you can get your favorite Krispy Crème donut flavors in a jelly bean! My favorite: Chocolate Iced with Sprinkles. They really do taste like Krispy Crème! How do they do that?


Finally, here's a Thing I could have used yesterday: the Click and Go Belt. It expands with your belly, which isn't an excuse to shove your face full of unlimited quantities of food (like me), but sure helps if you lose your cool (like me) and eat everyThing in sight (like me).

You don't have to fight the crowds, the traffic, rabid bargain hunters, or the weather. Just make some coffee, slip on your slippers, settle into your favorite chair and get clicking. With plenty of Things online, there's more than one way to conquer a Christmas list!

Happy Holidays!
Bobby

Thanksgiving is a top holiday in my book. Not just for the food (yum!) and football (all day! Yay!), but it's also a time to think about the Things that make us happy. The Things that make us rich - despite the red ink on our bank statements. (Okay, maybe that's just me.) You know, all the Things we're thankful for...

My memory being what it is...um...pretty much nonexistent, I usually make a list of the Things I'm thankful for. I'm happy (and grateful) to say it's a pretty long list, so I'll just give you the top 3:

Family: I have a big family. A very Big Family. I'd like to say it's all "Leave it to Beaver" perfect, but that would be a Big Fat Lie. We're waaaaaaay too normal for that. We have disagreements. We fight over silly Things that don't matter. All of us - even the youngest kids - are LOUDLY opinionated. (SO not our fault. I blame genetics). But it doesn't matter. When the holidays roll around, we put all that aside and become one Big Happy Family - sorta kinda like TV families - but with practical jokes, pranks, and fart noises at the holiday table.

Health: Not just mine, which is (knock wood) pretty good. I'm mostly grateful for the good health of my friends and my family. Especially my parents. I'm happy that they're still with us to take places of honor at the Thanksgiving table. Mom still makes her top secret stuffing recipe (it tastes exactly the same as it did when I was a kid - how does she DO that every single time?!). And Dad still makes his "gobble-gobble" and a few...errrrrr... let's just say "less delicate" noises while he's carving the turkey. Hey, tradition is important.

Things: Not material Things, either. What I'm grateful for is being able to work here at Things You Never Knew Existed. I get to play with all kinds of cool toys. I get to meet our awesome customers through this blog, our social network, and sometimes on the phone. I'm so lucky to spend my days doing Things I love.

Oh...wait...there's another Big Thing that makes me super grateful: in our family, pranks, tricks, and fun with flatulence never take a holiday - no matter how serious we're supposed to be.

Happy Thanksgiving. See you on Black Friday,
Bobby