Today is Christmas, so before everyone wakes up and starts tearing into their stockings and packages, I want to take this quiet minute to thank all of you for hanging out with all of us here at Things this year.

We've had so much fun bringing you all Things funny and farty, strange and weird, spoofy and spooky for the holidays. Thank you so much for making it a fun season for all of us — this and every year.  

I hope each of you are exactly where you want to be right now.  And I hope you get everyThing you wanted for Christmas.

Wishing you and yours a fun and funny, safe and happy holiday.
Bobby

It seems there's a bad santa out there who's even worse than the Billy Bob Thornton version. It's a horned devilish figure who punishes children for misbehaving while the real Santa is making his rounds delivering gifts to the well-behaved kids.

I'd never heard of such a Thing until recently. But this year, Krampus has become really popular outside his home in the Alpines. Maybe the coal-in-the-stocking Thing wasn't working for modern parents?

Me, I'm not scared of Krampus. I'm pretty sure I'm always on the "nice" list. Well, almost always. And besides, Krampus hasn't met the Santataur yet!

Be good! I'll see you next week,
Bobby

Every year, I look for a great gag gift for my sister. And, since I work at Things You Never Knew Existed...let's just say I have yet to fail at finding the perfect Thing for my sis.

Now I know why I do the Things I do, but I started wondering: why do other people give gag gifts on Christmas? So I poked around the Internet and this is what I found:

1. Tradition. A lot of families have been giving doing it for years. And many can't tell you how it even started! But they've been stuffing stockings and gift boxes with pranks for as long as they can remember.
2. Fun. Sure a sweater is nice. And that new cell phone is smart and super cool. But what's more fun than  unwrapping someThing that's totally unexpected and makes everyone laugh?
3. Payback. Lots of people give gag gifts as gifting-in-kind for Christmases past. My sister should learn this one. I've been "paying it forward" all these years and she's yet to give me one gag gift!

I always give my sis a traditional gift, too. But more often than not, it's the gag gift that wins the day. Or at least all the laughs!

See you next week,
Bobby

With the release of the new Star Wars movie, an old space battle is heating up online: Star Wars vs. Star Trek.

Warp drive over hyperdrive? Tribbles or droids? Phasers or lightsabers? The Force or the Vulcan Death Grip?

Why the deep divide? Science vs. magic.

Trek fans think their science-based, highly technological future where intergalactic species unite in a single force (pardon the use of the word) for the good of the Universe is the best sci-fi portrayal of life in space While Wars enthusiasts love the "black hat vs. white hat" story lines and the magical Force that somehow always makes sure that good triumphs over evil.

Several Hollywood stars have weighed in on the rivalry, including Captain America's Chris Evans (Wars) and Reese Witherspoon (Trek). But the most surprising "star" to make his opinion known is pop science icon Neil DeGrasse Tyson. He told Rolling Stone magazine that he is "Star Wars fluent", but he 's a bigger fan of Star Trek. Why? "There's a promise of actual science going on in Star Trek but not so much in Star Wars," he said.

Me? I'm can't choose a team. So...live long and prosper and may the Force be with you!

See you next week,
Bobby

December 18th is almost here. It's National Ugly Christmas Sweater Day! Want to take home top honors this year? Better start planning now. The competition can be fierce. And super ugly.

According to the official web site, the holiday is all about "proudly sporting your favorite ugly Christmas sweater for the entire day...regardless of circumstances. Wear it to school, to work, to a funeral, to your sister's wedding..."

That means you have to go all in if you're going to participate. You have to wear that ugly Thing wherever you go. No matter what happens.

So dig out those gaudy garments. Or, better yet, grab someThing new. Then head out for the office party, the local pub or the neighborhood coffee shop to show off in all your garish glory. I'm hoping to win a cash prize. So I can let it ride on a brand new, even uglier sweater for next year.

See you next week,
Bobby

Earlier this year, I told you about a Roscoe, a dog who ate an entire wire-frame diorama leaving his poor little human without a homework assignment to turn in. Turns out her Roscoe and my Bosco aren't alone in the ranks of dogs devouring weird Things — and racking up hefty vet bills in the process.

Five years ago, Nationwide Insurance created the "Hambone Award", which is given to the animal who presents the most unusual pet insurance claim. (They only give the awards to pets who fully recover.) Think of it as the Darwin Awards for animals.

Meet Curtis (left), the newest winner of this dubious prize. The 5-year-old Boxer ate an entire BBQ skewer. Yes, including the skewer. His people rushed the poor Curtis to the the hospital, but no skewer was found. A year later, Curtis wasn't feeling so hot again, so back to the vet he went. Surgeons finally found the skewer, which had been encapsulated by the poor pet's body in a "baseball sized mass". They removed it and Curtis is back to his old self.

The Hambone Award is named for its first recipient: a dog who got stuck in a refrigerator and ate an entire Thanksgiving ham while waiting to be rescued.


Watch what they eat. See you next week,
Bobby

I saw Jurassic World the other night. Okay, I saw it for the third time. I'd still have to see it at least three more times to catch up to my original Jurassic Park obsession. What can I say? I like dinosaurs. Even the ones that are genetically modified, incredibly scary and a little bit crazy.

But this time when I saw the latest film in the Jurassic franchise, it seemed a little easier to imagine what might really have happened if humans had lived with dinosaurs. Would we have survived it? Been as clever as our actor counterparts in the movie? Maybe. Humans did, after all, learn to work as a team to bring down the mighty Woolly Mammoth. I'd like to think we'd have figured out how to make dino-food out of the big reptiles.

But what if today we all of a sudden we woke up surrounded by escaped prehistoric creatures? We're not used to being hunted — and eaten — by wild creatures anymore. (Office politics doesn't count.)

It's a fun Thing to ponder. But one I'm glad we'll (probably) never know the answer to.

See you at the movies,
Bobby