You know I love all Things poo. I've written extensively on the subject of scat and I even follow the adventures of Captain Mercedes, a Reddit user who's been tracking and analyzing his emissions for all the world to see. In case you missed it, you can read about the good captain here and here.

But this crappy story takes the...er...turd.

When inspectors found 'brown fingerprints' on a water bottle in the kitchen of the Yeahya Flavour of Asia carry-out restaurant in Swindon, England, chef Mahbub Chowdhury fully admitted to the 'cultural habit' of using his hand instead of paper to clean up after using the toilet.

He pleaded guilty to 10 food and hygiene violations and even admitted that the suspect bottle found in the kitchen contained the very water he used to clean his bum. But, his lawyer argued, the bottle was never lab-tested to find out what the brown spots were and he maintains they could have been "spices".

Mr. Chowdhury has yet to be sentenced for his fecal infractions, but you'll be relieved to know that he no longer runs the restaurant.

See you next week,
Bobby